Patrol 2, Day 5 & 6

The last 2 days.... I am having a hard time finding things to write different that we did in the last two days. Today I'm going to tell you about how I'm doing rather than the boat and the mission and the people here. It has been the biggest thing on my brain. My life up to this point. What am I doing? Is this what I want to be doing? What do I want now that I'm knocking on 30? Am I happy? I think I have been doing it for longer than the last 2 days but I feel I have come to a head point. I have been married for 4 and a half years now and together with my wife for next to 7 years. It really hasn't been bad. We have had a lot of stuff thrown at us, like her getting sick a month after my mom dies. Her job situation, as in losing it and all the drama involved there in. Moving, TWICE! Being in the military, and now on a boat, I mean the list goes on and on. I have been thinking about nothing more than my wife. It brings a chill to just talk about it even if it is just though type. Everything is going a lot better than I could have ever planned and it's mostly due to her. I love you hunny!

Patrol 2, day 4

Another end to another exceedingly long day. They are getting better at least. It's the routine I think, you get in and just go. There's really not much thinking, just going. The best part of my day has really come down to the brief I give the captain in the morning. It where I can really expand my brain and push stuff to the limit. Today we did helo ops, which basically consists of me sitting on the mess deck playing PSP, and pretending to be a fireman, just in case. What happens on the boat however is, we get a helicopter from...where ever, they do landings, they pickup stuff of the helo deck, they drop people off and pick people up, but it's all training so when we really have to do it we know how. We had a dude that had a heart attack on a boat last patrol and because of this we were able to just do it. You know what they say...anyhow. I'm feeling a lot more comfortable. I think the worst thing on my mind right now is..."Damn I need to find time to work out!" It's hard to fit that in my schedule. After getting told by my gastro that I'm basically a fatty I think I get the hint...so I've been trying to eat better. Less fatty foods, more salads. We've had a good spread onboard so hitting that hasn't been to hard. But really, I've been working so hard I haven't really had time to sit and think. LOL look it's already day 4 it really doesn't feel like it should be that already. It feels like maybe day 2. I haven't really broken down yet like I did last patrol. I'm more just doing my thing. I don't talk to people much I just work and work and work. It doesn't really bother me cause it keeps my mind off the fact I'm on a boat and the people I have to work with, and how much I miss my beautiful wife, and all the things like that. I think I'm just so sleep deprived...I don't know. LOL Really this blog is helping me keep it together a lot. Chronicling our day and my feelings. Today was fridged again though. I still can't get used to that. In New Mexico even the winters were pretty nice. It was really just down right cold, but chilly and then ok. On the boat it is very cold and the farther the boat moves out to sea the colder it gets. I walked outside to get some air in the morning and instantly I could see my breath seeping out of my mouth. My lips were shut and I could still see my breath. I turned to walk back inside, and my eye caught a glare on the handle of the door. I looked closer trying to see what it was in the early morning's light. There covering the handle, was a super thin layer of ice. Now for obvious reasons I couldn't tell if it was sea water or just condensations between the inside and the outside of the door but the fact is, it was ice, which means it's beginning. The ice sheets have come. I'm scared to see what it will look like on the days when it's really cold. I'm scared to see my lower ranked friends go out on that fateful day and have to break ice off the boat with ax handles. Anyway...today has come to an end. I'm finally getting sleepy. It's not something that happens when it's supposed to so I'm really going to try and take advantage of it tonight. I do have an idea though, I think I'm going to wash my blanket when I get home and see if my wife will sleep with it for the 2 months as well as my pillow. I miss her scent. All I ever smell is stink men and believe you me it's a very putrid smell. I have become accustomed to having a heightened sense of smell. The faint ones get me worst. Oh man does someone who hasn't washed their hair piss me off. On top of that my chief never used deodorant which KILLS ME! ARGGG.....ok I'm going to bed before I ruin my ok mood with stinky thoughts of a very stinky man.

Patrol 2, Day 3

Well it's day 3. I did a lot yesterday. I pretty much worked endlessly the whole day. I've taken on a couple more projects just to keep my self busy and not focused on how much this can suck sometimes. So I've decided to help the PA officer on board to keep up with his PA'ly duties. I do the morning brief to the captain as well as a nightly message that goes out about all the things we did during the day, like boardings, or talking to fishermen and what not. It defiantly takes a lot of time...but it was the point. In the end I still go to bed at the same time, I still miss my wife just as much, and I still get to exercise. That time I think is the most important to me. It's only an hour but...man I can just be myself, listen to my music, and go at my own pace without a single person telling me...well anything. Just my feet running, my arms lifting, my friends talking to me in my ear, water and breathing, and I really never thought it would be that enjoyable. I still am able to go outside and take pictures, in fact more now and not just of boats. My video is coming along kinda slow but that's ok it's only day 3, I'm sure I'll get to it. What I'm probably going to do is video tape a whole bunch of stuff then splice and add music during our port call. I really want it to be something worth while and not just some stupid video to music. But I don't want it to be too...artsy fartsy. Well like I said it's only day 3. A much more refreshing day, in the end. I didn't feel so...cooped and tonight I feel I can go to bed...well...Accomplished.
(Today's Track: Beautiful, Dirty, Rich by Lady GaGa)

Patrol 2, Day 2

Today was an extremely long day. I have double 4-8's again this patrol, mainly because I'm the lowest man on the totem pole and not for any other reason than that. The day started out...well iffy from the beginning though. For some reason I could feel it in the air. Sunday's are typically what's called "holiday routine". This consists of light work, watch standing, and what should be a very easy going day. Now I know that I have only been in the Coast Guard for 5 years, but I have more experience with Human Resources and a fair and non-hostile workplace then many here on-board. Here those words mean nothing. It's hard to describe the environment I live in right now but the best words I could put to the feeling I get in this place are...black hole. Nothing survives a black hole, not even light. My supervisor would most likely be the center of that. He is very, very demanding which is not so bad, BUT, he does not give back. We are nothing more than worker bees to him. We are not human, and if we are, somewhere in the deep disgusting terrible recesses' of his mind, I have not felt that he has thought of any of us that way since even before I stepped foot on board. In a correspondence that happened prior to my even arriving here, I had typed the acronym "lol" on an email in an attempt to make it more personable. In the very derogatory email that followed, he told me how....childish and unprofessional I was. I was so sorely offended that I showed my then Senior Chief. He laughed and told me a story about my now chief and when he was in a school. It was very....eye opening then and even more so now. Something that Senior (now Master Chief) did not want to tell about the man had caught himself in quite a predicament. 3 page 7's and some other disciplinary actions were in order, but the captain went easy on him said something along the lines that it is an unfair act to not give people a second chance, you must always aspire to be more than your shortcoming and unforgivings. Were I took fairness and opportunity, he must have whole heartedly given himself to the idea of being disliked. That would have made more sense. Morale in the department is very low, but the rest of the boat seems in good spirits. Most are excited to just be underway again. They are very addicted to the boat's brotherly atmosphere, something I wish I had onboard. To me it reminds me a lot of high school. I feel more mature and grown up than a lot of these people just as I said yesterday. We did a boarding today which went ok. It got me outside rather than being cooped up in a room all day. I got to use my giganto lens for good and got to start taking principal photography for the patrol video. I'm kind of conflicted as to how to make it whether I should show the boat how it really is or the glossy family friendly version. I think it would surprise people to see what their family member's were really like while they were away. I couldn't do that to someone though. Karma is Karma. Eventually they will have to pay for what they've done, what ever it is. We had chicken cordon bleu tonight. The call it the "gerbil" because of the texture and how it looks. It wasn't half bad I think but my wife makes a better one LOL. No Joke! I do miss her a lot. I doesn't matter how connected we are now a days, it's still hard to go with out her. Single people don't seem to understand that. It's starting to get very cold, the nice thing is the boat is very warm. HEH. All this time I got warned that I better watch out for a winter D1 patrol because of the frigidity. But so far it's been nice. Monsanto and I seem to be getting along again. We have the same watch and he is still from what it seems the guy I think is my closest idea to a friend on board. Benk is coming around too. So now it's off to try and work out early by routing a message early. Till tomorrow I leave you with this, Why would someone push teamwork and brother hood when they are the first to ditch the ideal?

Patrol 2, Day 1

Underway again. This is my second patrol onboard the USCGC Escanaba. The reason I'm starting this now rather than last patrol is, well it difficult getting qualified in 3 different things then having time to talk about your feelings and experences aboard. Now that I have an idea of what goes on aboard, I feel a little bit more comfortable doing this. Onboard life is not that much different than working in an office or something like that, except the office follows you and your always on call. There were times last patrol that I got woken up out of a dead sleep to come fix something or work on some brief or send a message or something along those lines. That stuff is not really going to change though. Just things that come from being on a boat, or so I've been told. I'm really going to be focusing on trying to lose weight this time around. Last time I really just maintained. With all the things that this Gastrointestinal Doctor has been saying, I guess it can't be all that bad. People here are about the same as they were the first time. The boat reminds me of high school. Things are really cliquey. Fortunatly, I fricken hate clique's cause I'm an adult. I think the cliques come from people joining the USCG right out of high school rather than seeing what life has to offer before making the decision. You just don't get a chance to grow out of the stupid crap from high school just straight joining and it just perpetuates that attitude. Of course could just be something I'm saying just cause I'm not fauceted into a perticular clique. Not even my own shop. I would say I embrace my... wierdness... not fitting in, in the model of a proper Coast Guardian. I'm different than these people. I have abmbition and motivation to do other things. I have feelings that are deep and laden in me, more so than the people on this ship can understand save like 6. This time around has been going alot easier. I already know how things go on a day to day basis so that's not a shock when I'm standing around for like 3 hours waiting for a message to get looked at by my whole chain of command. It doesen't surprise me that as soon as the boat leaves the dock peoples attitudes change and people are more talkative and brotherly, but as soon as we pull up that asshole comes right back out. I never change like that going from port to deep ocean. I wonder why they do....? A question for the ages. (CURRENT MUSICAL/EMO SELECTION: My Father's Gun by Elton John)